Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
AAmerica’s 250th anniversary celebrations are not planned. Wealth of Actions are out of semiquincentennial concerts. The humor of Donald Trump’s preparations for the Triumphal Arch at the Great American State Fair is evident. Some of Disney’s celebrated Americana costumes were found to be made in China. But, as always, things could get worse. After all, you could have chosen to have an anniversary wearing Kevin Spacey’s ring.
Because, in a sentence no one could have expected to read, Kevin Spacey is selling A special signet ring commemorating America’s independence.
That’s right, if you have £110 (£228 if you want it to be yours) and are prepared to wait three months for delivery, then you – yes, you! – may be the proud owner of a “gold-free” stainless steel ring that not only says “I love America” but also “I’m ready to ignore the many complaints about Kevin Spacey’s sexuality.” The ring has a legend Through the Rocks, to the Stars (“Through the odds, to the stars”), which is not only the motto of the RAF (a strange choice for the ring to commemorate the freedom of America) but also seems to be about Kevin Spacey’s belief that he will have a reliable career. It also has a big “FU” on it, because it does.
FU stands for Frank Underwood, who played Spacey on Netflix House of Cards until Netflix stopped hiring him and the judge ordered him to pay his production company $31m for violating the show’s harassment policy (although in 2024 this was lowered to $1m). Again, this is something unusual to wear a ring in the year 2026. Kevin Spacey has won two Oscars, for The Usual Suspects and American Beauty, and of course it represents the high point of his career. And yet, on behalf of Keyser Söze, he is referring to television shows that have become dangerous due to his association with him.
Chris Rock has a tendency to affect music lovers from the time he lost his virginity, and the same thing happened with Spacey. Although no one thought about House of Cards for at least ten years, it was still the last time that Kevin Spacey was technically important, and now he finds himself locked up. In the amazing YouTube videos he posted on Christmas between 2018 and 2023, either alone or and Tucker Carlsonhe looked like Frank Underwood. And now, once again, he’s reaching the last moment he had the energy to sell a ring that no one wants.
But back to the ring. Anyone who wants has until 22 July to buy, because a limited number has been made. A small note on the ring’s Shopify page says it’s made to order, which is why – along with what it calls “Kevin Spacey’s active schedule” – it will take a few months to arrive. If you’d like a more personal choice, you have 20 characters to play with, although “offensive or inappropriate messages will not be accepted”. When it comes, it is advised to avoid water, humidity, perfumes, lotions, harsh chemicals and exercise.
Only Spacey will know how these rings will sell. There is a chance that the world may be underestimating the man’s popularity, and soon the streets will be filled with people who openly profess their support for him through outrageous clothing.
And if the plot is successful, it is only natural that other stars see this as their way of survival. Maybe in the coming years, lucky customers will one day have our Harvey Weinstein grooming game. Who can deny that?
