Pinocchio: The Unedited Review – a classic slasher turns a beloved toy into a murderous killer | Video

The so-called Twisted Childhood Universe, a taster of bad taste in the British slasher franchise, continues to move away from turning lovable children into mass murderers. After Satan Winnie the Pooh moviesnow we get Pinocchio money, also directed by Rhys Frake-Waterfield, and like the Pooh duo, it’s a dirty job. So bad, actually, that it’s darkly funny when it comes to making fun of people in in-your-face situations. But it’s not-so-good bad and, being funny and unpleasant; the kind of movie that makes a joke out of an overweight kid pushing on an inhaler.

The setting is a large pile in the English countryside where the founder Geppetto (Richard Brake) lives with his young grandson James (Cameron Bell), whose parents died in an accident. James has also tragically lost a friend to childhood cancer. So Geppetto makes Pinocchio, carved out of wood and brought to life – a friend who will never die. Like Chucky in the Child’s Play movies, Pinocchio is a scary toy with an ugly little face and a rictus grin – really good. Poor James is scared when they meet, but the two become best friends. And there are juvenile gags where Pinocchio learns about real boys, and realizes in the encyclopedia that Geppetto has missed a bit about the body. One day, James sneaks Pinocchio into his school bag, telling him not to move. But when James is bullied by other bullies and mutters, “I wish they were all dead,” Pinocchio doesn’t stick to the advice.

One of the problems is that the yucky bits feel like a rehash of slasher cliches without much in the way of satire. There are other scenes that should have raised alarm bells with someone along the way: a girl playing a schoolgirl gets every little moment in the shower (not before the camera starts to put her naked silhouette behind a curtain). And on a technical level, the eagle looks too fake to be ugly. The poignant moments can make the audience laugh a little – not gasp. Can a movie be scary if it fails to provide any distractions?