I couldn’t understand my mother’s depression – until someone from Rivals showed me the way | Television

Aa long time Jilly Cooper fan, I adopted the TV version of Rivals. There were many interesting moments: Maud O’Hara arriving at her party dressed to the nines, riding a camel; David Tennant, as TV boss Tony Baddingham, is breaking into Corinium Studios when his arch-rival Rupert Campbell-Black scores a major point in their competition. My most memorable experience, however, had nothing to do with shoulder pads and parties. First, some backstory.

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in January 2025, although it had been known to me for several months that she had another form of dementia. It came on quickly, caused by a stomach bug. He suddenly felt confused on the phone, though it was hard to tell because he had stopped calling so many times. He and I were used to talking every day, calling to chat, checking directions, gossiping – but now he stopped making calls. Her WhatsApp messages became a distraction during family chats, so my cousin agreed to go to work to check my mother’s phone to see if it was infected.

The wheels were started to evaluate him, and part of it was for his relatives to write down questions about the patient, and any changes that happened. We were asked to comment on “his approach to time, the way he sees places and the way he approaches people”, so that experts can understand more about his cognitive work. We filled them as our families gathered at my parent’s house. My brother noted that my mother ate “unchanged”, and my sister-in-law reported on her difficulties to add more information to Scrabble. I came back at the end of the week crying in the bathroom, wondering if I had lost the mother part. I cried on my way to work. I cried that evening, while I was loading the dishwasher while the kids were asleep, my husband turned around and saw my face covered in tears and nosebleeds.

We submitted application forms to the memory clinic and waited to be called for an in-person interview. The demands of work and parenting continued, but I still didn’t feel like I could do it. I became very active with children and very angry at work. The only thing that made me forget what happened at the time was watching television, and Rivals proved the perfect escape. From champagne to coming out with pearls appearing at the start, I loved every minute. I enjoyed Charles Fairburn’s personality throughout, not least when it was revealed that he works for a dysfunctional boss, and cares for his mother who has dementia. Then her secret lover Gerald left her, unable to fulfill her political dreams and the public’s love rejection. I was looking for Charles. In the final episode, she reunites with her husband in a forest of newly green trees, happily telling Gerald: “Mama recognized me this morning!”

Meanwhile, my mom “likes” other people, at least the ones she knows – everyone she’s met since October 2024 has to re-introduce herself every time, including the caregivers she sees every day. Charles Fairburn’s mother may have had dementia, based on her comment. But it stayed with me: her happy face, as if nothing could be happier than her mother knowing her. I’ve never had an on-screen connection.

In almost every interaction I have with my mother I want to connect. To give our verdict on Dad’s latest cooking test. To ask him after my husband, or my son’s soccer game. To make her laugh when my daughter is upset about the peas on her plate. Taking pictures with him. To massage my head when I’m tired, she recommends herbal remedies when I have a cold. Being a mother. And when it happens, I can dance. I do. I laugh easily, I relax the rules for my kids that night, I sleep well. And when it doesn’t – I don’t. Charles Fairburn’s line in the show made me realize that my happiness is tied to women’s health.

They don’t give an answer. Maybe Rivals season two will continue the story. Or maybe it won’t, and we’ll make our own. But I thank everyone who thought it was appropriate to include, frankly, what we experience as children whose parents are lost, and what it’s like to find them again.