Euphoria gave me the courage to talk to my girlfriend – now we are together | Television

Me I don’t remember the exact moment I first fell in love with my friend Ellen. Maybe it was when he trusted me to cut his hair into a feather, or when I noticed that he kept my favorite tea at his parents’ house. But in the summer of 2019, a month before our last year of school, I realized that I was falling in love.

We were 17 at the time and had been best friends since our first year in high school, we were all in the same girl group. Ellen and I knew each other well and had a lot of laughs but we were also very different. While Ellen is calm and gentle, I am very outgoing and talkative. So my sudden attraction to him was confusing – especially since neither of us was openly shy.

I was brought up in an accepting, open family in Stockholm, where anger was not frowned upon. And yet, I always thought I was straight. It was a standard script that was given to me. So, every time Ellen greeted me with her one-dot smile, I tried to ignore the heaving in my chest, thinking it would be too difficult, too scary. Although I saw that those thoughts may be both, I did not dare to do anything. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship.

That all changed when I watched the first season of Sam Levinson’s television series Euphoria. Set in upstate California, the drama (based on the Israeli version of the same name) follows a group of high school students as they navigate the carefree ways of adolescence. They use drugs, drink alcohol, have sex, watch porn and fall in and out of love.

Specifically, it was the relationship between drug addict Rue (Zendaya) and the newcomer in town, a transgender girl named Jules (Hunter Schafer), that drew me in. As their friendship grows, Rue begins to fall for Jules.

I remember watching the first few episodes at a friend’s house and being fascinated by the plot of Rue and Jules, and how soft and complex it was. Although my world was far from the dark, dark Euphoria, I explained the unnecessary parts of their story: the insecurity that Rue has about the feelings of Jules, the hope is hopeless every time the line between platonic love and love is not there. It all sounded similar to what I was experiencing.

There was also a refreshing take on the characters’ sexuality. In this sequel, there are no big events coming up, no need for Rue or Jules to explain what they are looking for. When Rue tells her mother that she is in a “friendship” with Jules, her mother simply replies: “It doesn’t matter what I think, but I love him so much.” This is not to say that fantasy events are not important. But for me, Euphoria was the first play that showed poverty as liberating – and it helped me realize that I felt that way too.

Seeing Rue and Jules open up to each other gave me the push I needed; When I kissed Ellen, she kissed me back. And when the morning light flooded his bedroom, I knew I had made the right decision.

We have been together for six years. We didn’t develop a friendship right away; we need time to find love. But little by little, Ellen and I have been able to build a life, consisting of our mutual love of books, movie nights and laughter. He is my protector and the person who helps me to slow down.

I tried watching later seasons of Euphoria. And while some viewers may have enjoyed it scary wordsI couldn’t finish the last race. However, I am grateful for that first season: it helped me get rid of my uncertainty and gave me the courage to move for the first time. And honestly, it was the greatest thing I’ve ever done.