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I have been with my friend Martin for 10 years, and he has been telling me that he does not want to get married. He believes that arranged marriage is a way for the government to control us. He also thinks that marriage is innate – and, frankly, I can’t argue with him on any of that.
But the truth is that since I was 7 years old I have been picturing my whole wedding day in my head. When I was a child I used to dream about being an adult, and a big wedding was a very adult thing that I couldn’t imagine. While the other kids were playing Pokémon, I was thinking about how many tiki torches I wanted to light the way to the blessing ceremony. I did not see the bridegroom in my mind; he was like a doll version of Ken. My vision revolved around myself.
Even though I was planning my wedding as a child, I gave up on the idea of getting married – until I watched Too Much, Lena Dunham’s 2025 Netflix show about a loud American woman, Jessica (Meg Stalter), who is very proud and often shows bad thoughts, such as spoiling a work party and stealing a soap dish.
Her love interest, Felix, played by Will Sharpe, is flawed and complicated himself – but he just loves Jessica in this, unquestioning way. And that is my other biggest weakness. Every now and then – on screen and in real life – I just love a man who falls hard for a slightly crazy woman.
I think this kind of story speaks to me because I see myself as a loud, boisterous woman and Martin as a devoted friend who loves him. Felix reminds me of Martin in other ways too. After reading Dunham’s autobiography, Famesick, he seems to have a thing for the average indie guy. The kind of person you’d find wearing a leather jacket, playing a small drum. Martin was wearing a skull and crossbones the second time I met him, to cover up the love I gave him last night.
In the last episode of the show, the couple got married, and what struck me the most about this wedding scene was how empty it was. It arrives on the steps of a London town hall, and after the bride and groom kiss for the first time, Felix turns to Jessica and says: “So how long do you want to be married? I loved the way that joke played down the issues of the time. It resonated with me because it was true. I love the idea of choosing to be with the person you are with anew, day by day, instead of believing that vows lock you in and tell you you’ll be together forever.”
I was watching the last episode alone at my parents’ house in London, and as the story goes on, I was so moved by love that I called Martin and proposed to him over the phone. My argument was basically: I love you more than the characters on this TV show, so why can’t we get married too?
Martin hadn’t seen any of Too Much, so he was a little confused, but I won him over by promising that I didn’t want to have the big wedding I’d been planning since I was seven. (Martin’s horror should be at the top, but I have to admit I like the idea.)
We can do it at my parents’ house. Or anywhere, really. And we didn’t have to invite guests. In all his stories about government-sponsored governance and leadership, Martin is very passionate. He hates the idea of a Big Day, but he probably likes the idea of a lifelong commitment more than I do. He had to be forced, but he said yes.
Martin and I are getting married this September in my parents’ kitchen. There will be no cake, no white dress, and no tiki torches. I keep trying to sneak past more people to get to the visitor center and Martin just passes them. But there will be a wedding. I have Lena Dunham to thank for that.
