Pete Holmes Is Not Reading Your Email

Much of modern life is created quickly. We support that by taking it seriously. So we’re passing this hot potato back and forth. If someone were to fire you, you’d be like, “That email didn’t need to be there. We didn’t need to do that. We didn’t need that meeting.” We are waking up and grinding ourselves to death, because no one knows what the alternative is. I’m out here with 55,000 people saying it’s possible. You can live, you can live, and leaving 55,000 emails unread is a huge distraction.

Music app: Spotify and Apple Music

We have Spotify, but my wife often drives me away. I’ll be in the car and all of a sudden Beyoncé starts playing and I’m trying to listen to my dad rocking out like The National. I don’t think my wife knows we have Apple Music. I like to know that my little secret is Apple Music.

Computer model: 2022 MacBook Air

It’s a MacBook Air from 2022 with an M2 chip. I had a fun little skinny version that went in my bag. So I just bought this pretty mindlessly, which is kind of a shame. This was my “I just want a laptop” laptop.

There have been other laptops that I have been very impressed with. There was an 11-inch MacBook Air that I’m still thinking about. It was the smallest thing I had ever seen in my life. And then there was the MacBook which was 17 inches. It was huge. I still think of those computers as if they were old friends.

I also feel like there is a dead end to the system. No matter how many times I clean my Mac and try to keep things to a minimum, it will start soon. And this prevents me from having a relationship. It’s like having a boyfriend who you know is going back to Barcelona.

Last person you FaceTimed: My wife Valerie

I was parenting alone on Sunday, and my wife, Valerie, talked to me about adopting my daughter. What is one of the great things in modern life, is that it automatically reproduces – from my daughter’s point of view – “I saw my mother, and she was there.” I also FaceTime my mom. I like to say I FaceTime on my mom’s forehead. They can’t build themselves properly.

The last thing you Googled: Edit a muskrat skull image search

My daughter found a small skull in nature and we used Google Images to tell us what kind of animal it was.

Last video you took: My daughter putting her face in strawberry shortcake

We have a habit of going to a pizza place in town and getting strawberry shortcake, and I always make a video of him sticking his face in it, which was the first thing I did when I was his age. My first play in comedy was always mixing my face in bowls of ice cream or cake.

The last thing you asked the AI: Bathe in pain

How selfish he is. I swim every day and my arms and shoulders hurt and it wakes me up at night. It was like, “Take a hot shower or do some light yoga.” That was not a great answer.

Don’t get me started on AI. It’s interesting that we call that intelligence because it’s a very different thing. Don’t waste it. I think everything will be fine.

Favorite social media: None

I hate it all. If I’m looking for one, it would be Instagram.

I say Reels and TikTok, when you get into the bag, it’s fun, like cake. I will give credit where it is due. I have to pay respect. It can confuse me and make me laugh a lot. But it doesn’t happen two days in a row.

Least Favorite: Sora and X

Well, he just got rid of Sora. Sora was a nightmare. It gave me hope – I was like, “This isn’t working.”

But I would also say that X is also my least favorite. I’m old enough to remember when Twitter was where you went to have fun. Shelby Farrow is a good example – she just posts killer jokes on Twitter. We were all passing them. Or Rob Delaney was awesome on Twitter. And you just keep going and it can brighten your day.

Top 3 or most recent emojis: 😭❤️😘

It’s a crying face—a face with streams of tears. It’s a red heart. And it’s kissy too. I always text my wife when I’m on a plane. And then the green check, because I record my stops, and when I listen, I write with a green check.

Favorite stories: None

I don’t deal with it. Zero. I hear my stories from people. This is my source for unreliable, biased news. And there’s nothing more fun than watching them push each other the wrong way—they don’t even remember why they’re angry and scared.

Here is the difference. All people are told lies. If I know a lie, I can go back and be like, “Hey, Ted! Someone I can look at and go, “You’re wrong.” You can’t tell Anderson Cooper that he was wrong.

Favorite subreddit: None

I don’t like Reddit anymore.

Favorite tech: Noise canceling headphones

I love my noise canceling headphones. I love them when I think about them because I feel good and when I travel, you have to have them. I like to have a small pair in my pocket at all times. It’s earplugs. I put them on all the time without playing anything. It’s a way of telling your flight attendant that you don’t want to talk.

Burner Account:

The only big one is Uber and Amazon and pretty much everything. I love that feeling when someone wants your email and you know they’re going to put you on the spam list and you’re just like, “Go ahead, man.” You are throwing it into the void. Every email on this account is like “How did you order?” We are friends, LL Bean.

Favorite piece of technology: TasCam four tracks

It was a four-track record. You had little bands and you’d record four tracks, so you’d play guitar, and then you’d go back and record bass. And it was a lot of fun. It was very effective. You hit profile and the pressure is on. Garage Band is like, who cares?

Craziest internet rabbit hole you’ve ever gone down:

I have a huge fascination with people who run video games from the 90s. I think they are smart. I think the community is moving towards me. They help each other. They realize things. I love Summoning Salt on YouTube.

I’m in an AI optimism wormhole where people are going like, “Look at the money, look at the product. Don’t forget that this is a business. Don’t forget that it helps these companies to tell people it’s the end of the world if they make a mistake, because that’s how you get the rules. They can do whatever they want.”