I was vain, cynical, scornful of people. Then I saw Harry Styles live – and I will never be the same | Polly Hudson

Tanswers to some small questions are very revealing. We leave it as a small matter, but asking about someone’s background often reveals everything you need to know about who they are today and why. I would have understood the meaning of buying Wig Wam Bam by Black Lace as my first music purchase – I would have known that it would have many future events and realize the stupidity that you feel just saying those words, even for those who are too young or too cool to be used to sonic horrors.

So, to stop any kind of pain, when the opportunity came to give my son the dream answer “What was your first concert?” I went with him Pictures of Harry at Wembley during the heat of the thermometer.

Disclaimer: I knew it would be good. I also knew that, as my 11-year-old son and I love style, going with him would be important and fun. What I didn’t expect was what happened: an almost religious experience. This gig has changed my physiology, it has changed my DNA. My life is now divided – BH and AH – and I’m not surprised.

It’s hard to explain how I can’t let this happen, especially in hot weather. Dangerous in difficult situations, I have a depressed spirit. I’m not a gentle person——I’m a whiner, a complainer, a critic. I too am a cynic and a misanthrope; I hate people, big events, joining, forced entertainment. Even when I’ve been waiting for something, I’m always happy when it’s resolved, or I wonder when I’ll get out of there. But at the end of the concert, if the stylist had offered to do it again from the beginning, I would have said: “Yes, please – maybe twice, if that’s okay?”

There is so much about what happened that on paper it makes me roll my eyes and dry up. For example, when he arrived on stage, Styles said: “Good evening, my name is Harry.” Doesn’t that sound silly? Like, we know your name. But in person? Fun! Humble! Great!

A song called Treat People with Kindness? Mentally: yuck. To be honest: fighting with 89,999 other believers healed something in me. The world may be burning, figuratively and literally, but here was a glimmer of hope. The heat was hell, but the evening was heaven.

Styles has been performing in theaters for 16 years, not to mention 10 at night in Amsterdam before this, half of 12 Wembley gigs. However, the passion, excitement and energy he brought to the stage could have convinced the man under the rocks that this was his opening show.

“We’ll take care of each other. Please try to have water. If you need anything at any time, please let me know – we can stop at any time,” he said, which would have sounded like an empty promise if he hadn’t done exactly that a few days before, when he saw a distraught girl who was separated from her sister.

I will never forget the look on my son’s face when he saw the first pop star he ever loved in front of him. She took my hand and squeezed it harder than any other woman on the job, unable to understand that this imaginary creature is real, it exists, it walks – struts, twirls, dances, sings – among us. It was real magic.

I’ve been to big concerts, but this was different. Unique. Deep. The grip, strength and charisma this man has is amazing and touching to witness, especially since he seems to be using his powers for good. Spreading messages about inclusion, compassion, unity, acceptance, self-expression, vulnerability, respect – all delivered with a smile and a twinkle in his eye, thus perverting the divine. As examples of teenage boys go, not too stupid.

There is no easy way to treat an immediate illness. No one can do that, not even Styles. But when I saw him, instead of being sad, weak and lost, I have a song in my heart, a spring in my movement and the belief that “maybe we can treat people with kindness and find a place to feel better”.

Polly Hudson is a freelance writer

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