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Photo: Pete Cottell
Lifeboost Mindflow for $40: The taste of the instant powder is simple and sweet at first, then it melts in the medium heat after a short period of cooling. By the middle of the cup I forgot I was drinking something other than coffee, and a bit of acidity at the end – maybe the CognatiQ Coffee Fruit Extract that’s praised on the back of Mindflow’s mylar bag – a taste similar to a good cup of Ethiopian or Rwandan coffee if you close your eyes and pretend for a while. As for his powers, if mushroom supplements were ever present at a public college party, Lifeboost would be the odd man out to drive himself in the background while everyone else is beaming like the world is ending. He is unassuming but confident, patiently waiting for the rest of the team to make a move. I only cried a little bit, and I was alert and focused for two hours after the last cup was drunk. Electrolyte is rare in these areas, which means that this is rare to enter the mushroom diet which is intended to be a good choice if hydration is a minor problem.
Photo: Pete Cottell
Four Sigmatic Organic Coffees $20: Four Sigmatic’s Focus blend is billed as a dark roast, but it lacks the cigar-and-bowling-alley flavor found at the end of similar blends. Although I love light beans, this hit like a hug from an old friend after weeks of drinking silt. The caffeine sensation settled after two days of using Focus instead of regular shroom coffee, so I added a quarter teaspoon of Focus powder to my daily cup to see what would happen. Within 10 minutes I felt the urge to update my financial website in preparation for tax season, so I set up a new template in Loopy Pro to have a friend who arranged to join my basement unit that night. They paid, but they put me on Genius Adaptogens so I played all the instruments until noon.
North Spore Functional-5 Mushroom Coffee $18: Most brewed coffee brands are classified under the “Medium Roast” category, which is generally safe – both grocers and discount coffee makers will explain what they already sell to avoid upsetting light roast aficionados like yours truly. Six times out of 10 it hits like a dark roast, with an ashy flavor and a healthy dose of oil that comes out of the beans during roasting, glistening and swirling around the top of your cup like a puddle in a parking lot. This coffee from North Spore, which produces our favorite place to grow mushrooms and tools for spraying and growing mushroomsit doesn’t have all those notes and still retains a strong, earthy flavor that is far enough away from the citric and buttery notes that I like so much in high-end roasts to stand as its own specialty. There’s a hint of mushroom flavor on the palate if you’re looking for it, but you could easily swap in a Folgers breakfast cup or an Illy medium roast and they’d be none the wiser.
Ryze Superfoods Mushroom Coffee $65: One can think of two different ways of how mushroom coffee shops invite in their menu: They can go in with cold drinks full of spices and flavors, or they can play it safe and make a drink that tastes more like a memory of other drinks than an obvious drink. Ryze’s delicious taste falls into the latter camp. To be fair, there are many people who are not interested in enjoying their morning drink and instead need to down the juice as quickly as possible so that they can “adult” that day. Twenty-one-year-old Pete thought people who claimed to enjoy espresso were crazy, yet here I am, twenty years later, wishing I could drink bitter bean juice instead of this bitter cup of forgotten swill that pissed off all the milk I tried to cut it with. One week with Ryze did little to improve my mood, focus, or energy. It made me sad and depressed.
Cuppa for $30: Like the friendly guest who calls his daily cup of tea or coffee his “cup”, this new guest is polite, kind, and calm. The first sip brought to mind a perfect cup of coffee at a no-name cafe, with a light body and very soft notes with acid on the swallow. The small amount of red powder that was released from the bag and the mixed plastic mixed well with a little flavoring, and the lack of water in the cup was exactly as advertised. The energy boost is simple and easy to leave behind, which can be a welcome relief from the blast of coffee many coffee drinkers think they need when they wake up every morning. After a week with Cuppa I started enjoying the daily brain shake instead of downing it at 7 am on the dot every morning.
Unauthorized
Photo: Pete Cottell
MUD/WTR Original Blend for $51: MUD/WTR packaging is not good if bottle of Dr. Bronnerbut it is really in the same place. The spice powder inside the can is amazing, with green herbs like turmeric and masala chai putting it down alongside shroom skeptics. It took me a few days to realize that putting this red power well according to the instructions given – one tablespoon with ¾ cup of water, well beaten with a hand mixer – is an impossible task, so I started experimenting with additives in the hope that the combination of milk, oil, and sugar would reduce the taste in the mouth. I landed on 1 tablespoon of plain water and 4 ounces of whole milk frothed in my trusty. Subminimal NanoFoamer Pro. The final result falls somewhere between the chai latte and hot cocoa you’d sell at a coffee shop with boring ’90s music, mean baristas, and a dirty pantry full of vegan + gluten-free snacks near the register. I didn’t hate it, but the bottom part of the cup is an undrinkable mess. And don’t even get me started on the brown legs that cling to the rim of the cup. The physical and psychological effects of MUD/WTR felt like a stronger motivator than a good pee in the pants, but a placebo ride is better than nothing, right? Combine this with the amount of ingredients required to drink it and I ended up with a drink that I only drink from time to time as a cold treat instead of a daily sipper that I can rely on to increase attention, energy, strength, and a million other things that this drug promises within the wall of words that adorn its CDs.
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