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Soh, well, the Prisoner is stupid. It’s interesting. But cor – it’s stupid. What I mean is that if the new six-part thriller about a prisoner and his escort chained together and escaping was a person, you’d think – cor, and silly, but undeniably entertaining company. Maybe I’ll just stay. I probably won’t. You might think something more along those lines.
Prisoners’ setup is simple. First we meet the prison guard, Amber (Izuka Hoyle, very good for those things but she is young, she is coming and there will be no problem) when she says goodbye to her son, she leaves him with father Olly (Finn Bennett, who has been in good things and should try again) and rejoins his prison team after leaving the mother of six months.
He, as you would not do on your first day back after six months on maternity leave, offers to do the extra work that comes with overtime. He and his partner are sent to pick up a special prisoner who needs to be transported overnight from the hideout to the Old Bailey. To make sure there is something wrong, he puts a picture of the family on the windshield.
Meanwhile, we viewers are learning – again and again – from a large group of men in white shirts and one woman, whose description of the whole character might be read as “A very difficult divorcee. He takes no prisoners” and no one saw even a pun, least of all the writer. The men are led by Alex (played, inexplicably, by the respected actor Eddie Marsan) and his wife, Josephine (played, equally inexplicably by the respected actress Catherine McCormack), and their boss. They are together with the National Crime Unit and have dedicated the last seven years of crime to bring down the head of the Pegasus Crime Syndicate, Harrison Dempsey (Brían F O’Byrne), a commanding, convincing presence in the middle of the growing chaos.
His trial – for being a total baddie – has begun. His success depends, as I understand the efforts of the bosses of the gang always, on the testimony of one man and one man only: Tibor Stone (Tahar Rahim). He was the biggest killer in Dempsey’s contract (“47 confirmed murders,” says Alex. “And they’re the only ones we know of.” “Wait,” says I. “You mean, there are some confirmed killers you don’t know about? In which case, what’s your definition of ‘confirmed’ here? Did you just say the same thing twice? Don’t tell me you can’t write the right one! ticch! He also has type 3 diabetes, which is the type that requires insulin injections every time risk is required.
Yes, this is the man Amber has right now in the back of her car, the family photo on the front window, and, oh, whoops, what is this? Hiding, you say? While the NCU men are busy repeating to viewers that if Stone doesn’t get there, Dempsey will go free and their search will be futile? Nothing! Wait, I still don’t understand, can you repeat that? Oh, you are. You know, I was joking. Don’t take it for granted. The ambush is in progress.
Kapow! Bomb! Shoot-shoot! The van overturned! Armed escorts are extravagant and powerful (there’s a whole host of 3D printing devices going on elsewhere). Amber scrambles to free the prisoner from his cage and ties the chains together to prevent him from escaping. Oh Amber, you fool! A splinter of Tilda Swinton whom we will know as Nina (Leonie Benesch) is on their way and stays for a long time.
From there there’s an ever-increasing number of things, insulin shots in unexpected situations, Dempsey’s arrogant successor being fired, wounds closed without painkillers, Amber having to question how far she’ll go to protect the bad guy (and who IS the bad guy? make a bad script already. But it seems ridiculous, and who has the energy to always care about the characters or the thoughts or why someone runs through the glass ceiling instead of links in between, big or small? It’s an action movie that has managed to force the beginnings – but not count in detail. It’s two and a half stars and it can’t be saved.
